The Power of Understanding: Emotional Intelligence at Work
Master emotional intelligence, transform your success.
Imagine this.
You walk into a client meeting, your hands clammy with nerves. You’ve done everything right—researched the market, prepared the perfect pitch, rehearsed your answers. But the client is cold. Unimpressed. Worse, they cut you off mid-sentence and tell you they’re not interested.
Frustration wells up inside you. Why is this happening? You start to wonder if you’re cut out for this industry. Maybe you just don’t have what it takes. Maybe you should have spoken differently. Maybe you should have worked harder. Maybe… maybe you’re just not good enough.
But what if I told you that’s not the problem?
What if I told you that people do well if they can?
The Truth About Struggle
We’ve been told a lie.
We’re taught that success is about willpower. That those who struggle just aren’t trying hard enough. That if someone keeps failing, it’s because they lack the drive or the discipline to succeed.
But what if struggle isn’t about effort at all?
Dr. Stuart Ablon, a clinical psychologist, says we’ve been looking at things the wrong way. People don’t struggle because they don’t want to succeed. They struggle because they lack the skills to succeed.
Think about it.
A child who can’t read isn’t lazy. They lack the skills to process words the way other kids do.
A person who explodes in anger at criticism isn’t just irrational. They lack the emotional tools to handle feedback.
A real estate agent who stumbles through negotiations and loses deals isn’t just bad at their job. They lack the communication and problem-solving skills needed to navigate difficult clients.
So let’s be clear: If you could do well, you would do well. If your career isn’t where you want it to be, something is getting in the way—and it’s not a lack of motivation. It’s a lack of skill.
What’s Really Holding You Back?
The real estate industry is brutal. It will test every part of you—your patience, resilience, and emotional endurance. You will meet rude clients, lose deals you thought were in the bag, and struggle to keep up with the competition.
And if you don’t know how to handle rejection, manage frustration, or stay flexible in tough situations, you’ll start believing that you’re not good enough. That you’re failing because you’re not trying hard enough.
But that’s not true.
Success in this business isn’t about forcing yourself to “be better.” It’s about learning the skills you need to succeed.
– Struggling with confidence? Learn how to reframe rejection as part of growth.
– Losing deals to more experienced agents? Develop better negotiation strategies and refine your client communication.
– Feeling emotionally drained by demanding clients? Work on setting boundaries and managing stress effectively.
When you stop blaming yourself and start focusing on what’s missing in your skillset, everything changes.
How Understanding Others Can Change Everything
Let’s flip the script.
That cold, dismissive client who shut you down? Maybe they aren’t just difficult. Maybe they’ve been burned by real estate deals before. Maybe they’re overwhelmed with stress and can’t process another sales pitch. Maybe their behavior isn’t about you at all.
The new agent in your office who seems defensive and arrogant? Maybe they’re terrified of failing. Maybe they’ve been told their whole life that showing weakness is unacceptable. Maybe they need guidance, not judgment.
People do well if they can. And if they’re not doing well, something is blocking them.
So instead of judging difficult people, what if we started understanding them?
- What if we stopped labeling clients as difficult and instead asked, What is this person struggling with?
- What if we stopped thinking of struggling colleagues as lazy and instead asked, What skills do they need to improve?
- What if we stopped being so hard on ourselves and instead asked, What tools do I need to handle this situation better?
Imagine how different your career—and your life—would be if you viewed every struggle, every rejection, every difficult moment as an opportunity to build a skill instead of a reason to doubt yourself.
You’re Closer Than You Think
Let me leave you with this.
There was a young girl who struggled in school. She exploded in anger when she got frustrated. She shut down and refused to participate. Teachers called her lazy and defiant.
One day, she handed her teacher a letter. It read:
“My brain is idiotic. I make stupid mistakes. I mess everything up. I ruin everything.”
That’s a child who was trying her hardest. A child who wanted to succeed more than anything. A child who wasn’t lazy or unmotivated—she just didn’t have the skills to do better.
The same is true for you. You’re not failing because you’re not good enough. You’re struggling because there’s something you haven’t learned yet.
And that’s not a reason to quit.
That’s a reason to keep going.
Final Thought: Shift Your Mindset, Change Your Life
Real estate isn’t just about selling homes. It’s about selling yourself, your knowledge, and your ability to connect with people. And that requires skills—not just motivation.
So the next time you feel like you’re failing, ask yourself:
– What skill am I missing?
– How can I develop it?
– What’s really stopping me?
Because people do well if they can.
And if you’re not where you want to be yet, it just means there’s something new to learn.
And that, my friend, is good news.
About the Author:
Andre Swart is a seasoned real estate expert and motivational speaker based in Cape Town’s Northern Suburbs. With over 20 years of experience in the industry, Andre is dedicated to helping agents and newcomers thrive by sharing insights rooted in integrity, personal growth, and faith-based principles.
Through his blog, Andre Swart Inspires, he empowers readers to build successful, purpose-driven careers while staying true to their values.