The Courage to Be Disliked: A Blueprint for Living Freely
Find freedom, embrace authenticity, and create a life of purpose.
Living a life of freedom and fulfillment sounds like a dream, doesn’t it? Yet, many of us find ourselves stuck—chasing approval, burdened by fears, or tangled in tasks that aren’t even ours.
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, based on Alfred Adler’s groundbreaking psychology, offers a roadmap to break free from these traps. It’s a call to reclaim your life with courage and authenticity.
Let’s dive into how the book’s principles can transform your personal and professional journey, particularly as an estate agent or industry newcomer.
I. Embracing Self-Acceptance: Love Yourself First
Picture this: a rookie estate agent, juggling client demands and comparing themselves to seasoned professionals. They constantly feel like they’re falling short. Sound familiar?
Adlerian psychology teaches that self-acceptance is the cornerstone of a fulfilling life. You don’t need to be perfect to be valuable. Start by:
- Acknowledging your strengths and flaws.
Instead of criticizing your mistakes, treat them as stepping stones for growth. - Breaking free from external validation.
Your worth isn’t tied to others’ opinions. Recognize your inherent value. - Practicing gratitude.
Reflect on your daily achievements, no matter how small.
Once you embrace imperfection, you’ll show up more confidently in your work and relationships.
II. Living in the Present: The Power of Now
Imagine wasting time replaying past deals that went wrong or worrying about tomorrow’s challenges. The truth? The only moment you have control over is now.
To focus on the present:
- Let go of regrets.
Learn from the past but don’t let it define you. - Adopt mindfulness practices.
Start your day with a 5-minute breathing exercise to ground yourself. - Prioritize tasks.
Use a simple system like the Eisenhower Matrix to manage what truly matters today.
Living in the present allows you to approach clients and opportunities with clarity and energy.
III. Building Meaningful Relationships: Quality Over Quantity
In the real estate world, relationships are everything. But how often do we seek approval instead of fostering genuine connections?
Adler emphasizes that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and trust. Shift your focus by:
- Listening actively.
Understand clients’ true needs rather than pushing a sale. - Creating win-win dynamics.
Aim for outcomes that benefit all parties, strengthening your reputation. - Setting boundaries.
Respect your time and energy by saying no when necessary.
By prioritizing authentic relationships, you’ll build a network that supports both your career and personal growth.
IV. Mastering Task Separation: Knowing Your Role
One of Adler’s most transformative ideas is task separation—the ability to distinguish your responsibilities from others’.
As an estate agent, this means:
- Focusing on your role.
Your job is to advise and guide, not to control buyers’ or sellers’ decisions. - Avoiding unnecessary stress.
Let go of what isn’t yours to manage, like a client’s personal finances. - Empowering others.
Trust clients to handle their part while you excel in yours.
This principle not only reduces stress but also enhances professional relationships.
V. Helping Others: Finding Purpose Through Service
Success isn’t just about closing deals—it’s about making a difference. Adlerian psychology highlights the joy and meaning found in serving others.
In your work, this could mean:
- Offering valuable advice, even when it doesn’t immediately benefit you.
- Mentoring newcomers to the industry.
- Volunteering your expertise in community housing initiatives.
By contributing to something greater, you’ll find deeper satisfaction in your career.
VI. Accepting Dislike: Freedom Through Authenticity
Let’s face it: not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. The courage to be disliked is about staying true to your values, even when it’s unpopular.
How to develop this courage:
- Stand firm in your convictions.
Whether it’s advising a client to lower their asking price or declining a difficult deal, prioritize honesty over pleasing others. - Reframe rejection.
View criticism as a sign of your authenticity, not a failure.
This mindset frees you to live authentically, without fear of judgment.
VII. Celebrating Individuality: Embrace Your Uniqueness
In a competitive field like real estate, it’s tempting to imitate successful agents. But true success comes from leveraging your unique strengths.
Ask yourself:
- What sets me apart?
Maybe it’s your local knowledge or your ability to connect with first-time buyers. - How can I focus on personal growth?
Invest in skills that enhance your unique abilities, such as negotiation or storytelling.
When you embrace your individuality, you’ll attract clients who value your authenticity.
VIII. Positive Thinking and Resilience: Turning Challenges into Growth
Real estate is full of ups and downs. Deals fall through, markets fluctuate, and competition is fierce. Developing a positive mindset is crucial for resilience.
Try these techniques:
- Challenge negative thoughts.
Replace “I can’t close this deal” with “What steps can I take to close this deal?” - Celebrate small wins.
Every step forward, no matter how small, is progress. - Keep learning.
View setbacks as opportunities to improve your skills.
A resilient mindset allows you to navigate challenges with grace and determination.
Step Into Courage and Authenticity
The Courage to Be Disliked is more than a philosophy—it’s a way of life. By embracing self-acceptance, living in the present, building meaningful relationships, and staying true to your values, you unlock the freedom to live authentically.
As an estate agent or industry newcomer, these principles can empower you to navigate challenges, build lasting connections, and find fulfillment in your career.
So, are you ready to take the first step? Embrace the courage to be disliked, and watch how your life transforms into something truly extraordinary.
About the Author:
Andre Swart is a seasoned real estate expert and motivational speaker based in Cape Town’s Northern Suburbs. With over 20 years of experience in the industry, Andre is dedicated to helping agents and newcomers thrive by sharing insights rooted in integrity, personal growth, and faith-based principles.
Through his blog, Andre Swart Inspires, he empowers readers to build successful, purpose-driven careers while staying true to their values.